It was exam time and Hailey was walking down Burke Rd to get to Caulfield Racecourse. Every year, for the past three years, her exams were held at the Racecourse. The Racecourse reminded Hailey of all things impersonal: like camp-food, and birthday cards from Telstra. The place was huge and the tables were light and cheap. Hailey preferred to be alone to her thoughts before an exam, so she stopped on the foot-path, 100 meters away from the exam-room... but when she stopped, a man crashed into her back. Hailey’s mind was occupied and revising the law of Torts, so Hailey barely noticed
“ah, sorry!” the clumsy guy said. Hailey began to walk again. “Excuse me? Lady? Tell me, is this where the exams are?”. Hailey stopped to answer him, and he ran into her again. Hailey started
“Hey! What, who are you?”
“The Doctor” He replied
Hailey knew that line from somewhere. Some piece of general information was enlivened in the back of her mind when he said “the doctor”, but whatever it was, it had no hope of rising through the web of law and facts that Hailey had recently spun in her brain. Hailey put her hand to her forehead
“The doctor? Are you a med-student? Because if you are, i think med exams might be held somewhere else. Sorry, I have to go, see you l...” The Doctor interrupted
“Hailey you don’t...” Hailey shivered and a few webs of law fell from her brain, now she was getting frustrated
“You know my name?!”
“Ofcourse I know your name. I also know that your dog’s name is an anagram for terracotta"
Hailey thought about it and a bundle of web (worth about two marks) disappeared instantly
“Stop it!! Stalk me after the exams if you want just... ARGH!!” Hailey was running out of time, so she ran away from that creep. She was the first to sit down in the exam room, still a bit nervy. She was trying to regain her composure when she heard that voice. The Doctor’s voice
“Hailey!” it whispered “Hailey!”
Hailey squeezed her eraser and, without turning, she screamed “WHAT!!!!?”. All of the invigilators looked towards Hailey , and The Doctor huddled beneath his jacket. One of the invigilators walked up to Hailey and asked what was wrong. As he approached, The Doctor screwed up into a little ball of jackets, scarves and gloves. Hailey smiled. Exams made her a bit more evil than she usually was.
“I’ll tell you what the problem is!" she said, "Its this guy!” Hailey pointed to the empty table behind her. Her smile inverted “Where did he go?”. The invigilator gave her a warning
“I hope you realise that your exam could be taken from you if you repeat this nonsense during, er, the exam”. Hailey looked at the invigilator's shoes
“But he was there, he said he was called The Doctor”. The Invigilator’s whole face turned to hailey, with a serpentish stare... it wasn’t... it wasn’t human. Whatever it was, it scared just enough web from Hailey’s brain to let that little voice run up to her ear and scream “IT WAS DOCTOR WHO! IT WAS THE DOCTOR!”. With the same wide-eyed, sharp and serene stare, the invigilaltor twisted his head as he slammed Hailey’s table with both hands. Hailey Ran. Nobody else really noticed, and if they did, it barely registered beneath all of the web in their brains.
Outside, the doctor was extending his hand towards Hailey but jogging away from her and calling out something at the same time, like the second runner of a relay about to receive the baton. Hailey made contact and they sprinted into the bathrooms. Hailey, gasping and still thinking a bit about her exams, looked out the little opening above the wash basins. She saw one old man walking from the carpark towards the exam-room, but then she saw more and more old men, with the occasional old lady. It was a hoard of grey people, or a river of them, they kept on coming.
“What is happening?” she said. Hailey was still a bit skeptical, so she sounded like a teenage girl trying not to be amazed by anything. The doctor had a peak too.
The Doctor: “They are invigilators”
Hailey: “I know that”
The Doctor: “I dont think you do Hailey. They aren’t human, they only pretend to be”
Hailey: “What?”
The Doctor: “Oh come on Hailey, they are called “Invigilators”, does that really sound human to you?”
Hailey: “Shit you’re right. So what are we dealing with? Where do they come from”
The Doctor: “They are pure evil i’m afraid. They prey on the incontinent”
Hailey: ...
The Doctor: Look at how many of them there are. They must know i’m here. Christ, they must be coming from Deakin and Swinbourne and... I remember that one, he’s from Melbourne Uni!
Hailey: Wait, go back to the incontinence thing
The Doctor: Well thats how the Invigilators multiply. They go to exams that last for 2-3 hours, and wait for the couple of students that raise their hand wanting to go the toilet. They then guide the weaklings to the bathrooms and BINGO! The poor kids are aged 50 years and turned into an invigilator. Its all done with lasers
Hailey: But wh... why?
The Doctor: Its university policy to pick on the incontinent. Its always buried towards the back of the uni charters
Hailey: My university is run by people though, not invigilators. They wouldn't do that.
The Doctor: Hailey, who is the Chancellor of your university?
Hailey: umm, I actually dont know
The Doctor: I thought so
Hailey: Oh my god
The Doctor: Anyway, I was going to take out these guys but now there's too many. I better go... oh, hey Hailey, do you want to come travelling with me? *The doctor placed his arm around Hailey’s waste*
Hailey: Hey! Get off!
The Doctor: aww damn
Hailey: Fuck this degree, I’m going home
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