Socialist Alliance Board Meeting Minutes (28/07/11)

Monash Socialist Alliance Minutes

       
    1.      Apologies:

-        Peter Swayne (Kindergarten and Primary School Revolutions Officer)
   

          2.    Animal Voting Rights on the Board

-        The question was put to the board: “should we continue our policy of encouraging animals to vote?”

-        The Communications Officer voted no, and said that the animals only ever abstain from the vote

-        The majority voted yes. The duck and the cat abstained

          3.      Communications Officer Report

-        The communications officer suggested that the Socialist Alliance may be too confronting and assertive in its communications with Monash students

          4.      Openings for Communications Officer

-        An new opening was announced for the position of Communications Officer

-        An injured fruit bat, possessed by the president, was voted into the vacancy. The fruit bat has a broken wing, and will serve the socialist alliance for the duration of its physical recovery.

          5.      The roof protest

-        Four members of the Socialist alliance took to the Campus Center Roof on Tuesday in order to protest against altitude

          6.      A new threat: Anti Socialism

-        Mrs. Haller, a certified psychologist* from the Life Coaching Institute, informed the board that “anti-social behaviour” is not a psychological trait, and that it is instead a new  oppositional, capitalistic ideology. Mrs. Haller said that “Anti-Social behaviour IS Anti-Socialism”

          7.      Treasurer’s report

-        The treasurer asked that the board support the diversion of all funds to the fight against Anti-Socialism

-        The motion was seconded and passed.

           8.      General consensus on being radical

-        The board agreed that they should all be radical

End of meeting

My fringe bares the scars of my disloyalty

Haircuts are political. There's nothing worse than running into your old hairdresser with a new haircut from somewhere else... especially when its a bad haircut. Its upsetting and everybody looses. I found this out a few days a go and wrote this song.

Click Here to Listen!

Train Delay

Wait for a train (click) here!

What kind of person is called an invigilator?

It was exam time and Hailey was walking down Burke Rd to get to Caulfield Racecourse. Every year, for the past three years, her exams were held at the Racecourse. The Racecourse reminded Hailey of all things impersonal: like camp-food, and birthday cards from Telstra. The place was huge and the tables were light and cheap. Hailey preferred to be alone to her thoughts before an exam, so she stopped on the foot-path, 100 meters away from the exam-room... but when she stopped, a man crashed into her back. Hailey’s mind was occupied and revising the law of Torts, so Hailey barely noticed

“ah, sorry!” the clumsy guy said. Hailey began to walk again. “Excuse me? Lady? Tell me, is this where the exams are?”. Hailey stopped to answer him, and he ran into her again. Hailey started

“Hey! What, who are you?”

“The Doctor” He replied

Hailey knew that line from somewhere. Some piece of general information was enlivened in the back of her mind when he said “the doctor”, but whatever it was, it had no hope of rising through the web of law and facts that Hailey had recently spun in her brain. Hailey put her hand to her forehead

“The doctor? Are you a med-student? Because if you are, i think med exams might be held somewhere else. Sorry, I have to go, see you l...” The Doctor interrupted

“Hailey you don’t...” Hailey shivered and a few webs of law fell from her brain, now she was getting frustrated

“You know my name?!”

“Ofcourse I know your name. I also know that your dog’s name is an anagram for terracotta"

Hailey thought about it and a bundle of web (worth about two marks) disappeared instantly

“Stop it!! Stalk me after the exams if you want just... ARGH!!” Hailey was running out of time, so she ran away from that creep. She was the first to sit down in the exam room, still a bit nervy. She was trying to regain her composure when she heard that voice. The Doctor’s voice

“Hailey!” it whispered “Hailey!”

Hailey squeezed her eraser and, without turning, she screamed “WHAT!!!!?”. All of the invigilators looked towards Hailey , and The Doctor huddled beneath his jacket. One of the invigilators walked up to Hailey and asked what was wrong.  As he approached, The Doctor screwed up into a little ball of jackets, scarves and gloves. Hailey smiled. Exams made her a bit more evil than she usually was. 

“I’ll tell you what the problem is!" she said, "Its this guy!” Hailey pointed to the empty table behind her. Her smile inverted “Where did he go?”. The invigilator gave her a warning

“I hope you realise that your exam could be taken from you if you repeat this nonsense during, er, the exam”. Hailey looked at the invigilator's shoes

“But he was there, he said he was called The Doctor”. The Invigilator’s whole face turned to hailey, with a serpentish stare... it wasn’t... it wasn’t human. Whatever it was, it scared just enough web from Hailey’s brain to let that little voice run up to her ear and scream “IT WAS DOCTOR WHO! IT WAS THE DOCTOR!”. With the same wide-eyed, sharp and serene stare, the invigilaltor twisted his head as he slammed Hailey’s table with both hands. Hailey Ran. Nobody else really noticed, and if they did, it barely registered beneath all of the web in their brains.

Outside, the doctor was extending his hand towards Hailey but jogging away from her and calling out something at the same time, like the second runner of a relay about to receive the baton. Hailey made contact and they sprinted into the bathrooms. Hailey, gasping and still thinking a bit about her exams, looked out the little opening above the wash basins. She saw one old man walking from the carpark towards the exam-room, but then she saw more and more old men, with the occasional old lady. It was a hoard of grey people, or a river of them, they kept on coming.

“What is happening?” she said. Hailey was still a bit skeptical, so she sounded like a teenage girl trying not to be amazed by anything. The doctor had a peak too.

The Doctor: “They are invigilators”

Hailey: “I know that”

The Doctor: “I dont think you do Hailey. They aren’t human, they only pretend to be”

Hailey: “What?”

The Doctor: “Oh come on Hailey, they are called “Invigilators”, does that really sound human to you?”

Hailey: “Shit you’re right. So what are we dealing with? Where do they come from”

The Doctor: “They are pure evil i’m afraid. They prey on the incontinent”

Hailey: ...

The Doctor: Look at how many of them there are. They must know i’m here. Christ, they must be coming from Deakin and Swinbourne and... I remember that one, he’s from Melbourne Uni!

Hailey: Wait, go back to the incontinence thing

The Doctor: Well thats how the Invigilators multiply. They go to exams that last for 2-3 hours, and wait for the couple of students that raise their hand wanting to go the toilet. They then guide the weaklings to the bathrooms and BINGO! The poor kids are aged 50 years and turned into an invigilator. Its all done with lasers

Hailey: But wh... why?

The Doctor: Its university policy to pick on the incontinent. Its always buried towards the back of the uni charters

Hailey: My university is run by people though, not invigilators. They wouldn't do that.

The Doctor: Hailey, who is the Chancellor of your university?

Hailey: umm, I actually dont know

The Doctor: I thought so

Hailey: Oh my god

The Doctor: Anyway, I was going to take out these guys but now there's too many. I better go... oh, hey Hailey, do you want to come travelling with me? *The doctor placed his arm around Hailey’s waste*

Hailey: Hey! Get off!

The Doctor: aww damn

Hailey: Fuck this degree, I’m going home

Raisin Toast hits the Dance Floor

*We were at Rats on a Saturday Night. There were about ten of us and I was really looking forward to dancing. The dancefloor was pretty packed, but we found a good corner with a bit of room. This song came on first: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkzHajYXbyE. And these were my thoughts (If you open the song in a different window when this sentence finishes, then the song will synchronise with Raisin-Toasts thoughts below!)*
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Woah, nice music. I haven't heard this song before. I'll look at Claire, get some eye contact going. Ok, no eye contact there. Maybe Sarah? no. DAMN I think Claire just looked at me, missed it. Ok here we go.

There's the beat! I'll just let loose. WOOOOOO!!!!... no, now there is too much eye contact. And now there is no eye contact. Why is everyone looking away. I hate it when people look around the room. Yeah that's right, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence... you bunch of pesimistic cows. Oh wait... Awesome! i've got a thing going with Tim. Heeeey Tim! I dont think this is weird... I mean I think this song is pretty man-to-man friendly: these lyrics are pretty impersonal... yeah, this is great, I'll probably get to know Tim better through this. I mean I barely know him, so the eye contact is surprising. Alright look away for a bit. Maybe Claire?... no. Sarah? no. Here comes the chorus, I'll just look at Tim again. Heeeeey Tim! *bops and points at Tim until the Chorus comes*.

Chorus: I think that the chorus just said "Tonight I'm lucky you!". That doesn't make sense, but I'll mime it anyway. Heeeyyy TIM! TONIGHT I"M LUCKY YOU!!. damn it, i've lost Tim too. Oh, no, it says "FUCKING you...". So Tim must have thought I was... Fuck thats fucked up, you fucking... fuck. Ok. fuck. Ok, damage control: Females! Females! No thats worse!! This is ridiculous anyway. I mean how many people actually come to these clubs, and then, on the spur of the moment, "fuck" people. Maybe five or six. But there isn't any need to normalise it for the other 500 of us. Fuck fuck fuck.

Ok, second verse, give me some respite. Just try to fit back in... no, you know what, just have fun. You're here to have fun. wait... "If I had a type"?... "I know you're ready"?... "If I never lied"?... "Here's the situation, Been to every nation?". Great, so i'm a dishonest slut who has been unfussily slutting all over the world... I'm NOT A SLUT! haha, actually you should mime that, nobody will notice, but it will be funny. Haha! oh my god, you totally did it. You're great.

Sarah? no.... Claire? no

I'm getting a drink.

As A Friend

RaisinToast puts to song the universal frustration and difficulty of wanting to be friends with ex-girlfriends/boyfriends. I initially recorded it last night, at 3am in the morning, but I was so tired that I was mumbling stuff towards the end. So I did one more take today to procrastonate from other things

 Click Here for song and lyrics

The Aftermath of the Rapture

A disclaimer: This post only tries to put the extreme "FamilyRadio" conception of Christianity into context. It is now the 22/05/2011, so the fact that Jesus has not killed us all (as Family Radio told us he would) is only more proof that Jesus is/was a top bloke. But, yep, this post just pretends that FamilyRadio were right, and that the Rapture did occur, and it looks at the twisted implications of that. Its anti-FamilyRadio, not anti-Christian... phew
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The forecast of a 21/05/2011 Rapture came from here: http://www.familyradio.com/graphical/literature/judgment/judgment.html

The forecast was correct, and 6 billion people were exterminated. But, as predicted, 200 Million people were saved. Those 200 million people placed Jesus on trial in the International Court of Justice for the crime of Genocide. It was a short Judgment presided over by Chief Justice South. Part of the transcript is below:

South CJ: Jesus Christ, following your acts of the 21^st of May 2011, you have been charged with the crime of Genocide. How do you plead?

Jesus Christ: Not guilty your honour

South CJ: Jesus, under these exceptional circumstances, this court is going to dispense with formalities. Look, Jesus, over a period of twenty four hours you were complicit in the killing of 6 billion people, 2 billion of those were children, another 800million of those were over the age of 80 and over 3 billion were women. Why do you plead not guilty to Genocide?

Jesus Christ: They were all sinners

South CJ: Don’t you feel any mercy?

Jesus Christ: I am merciful. I am the all-merciful.

South CJ: What is wrong with you?

Jesus Christ: I would have saved them if they repented

South CJ: Jesus, that lady sitting over there in the gallery is Yang Wen. Her 4 year old daughter, whom you killed, would have had a better understanding of mercy than that which you appear to have. Jesus, mercy is about making concessions to the choices and circumstances of others; it is about putting  yourself in the position of other people... yet you put up your own hurdles, your own standards, and kill people as they trip over them.

Jesus Christ: But I...

South CJ: Jesus, there is a family sitting in the gallery, behind you, and you murdered their homosexual son.

Jesus Christ: ...

South CJ: Do you have anything to say?

Jesus Christ: ... I think... the holy spirit... ...

South CJ: Are you raising the defence of mental impairment?

Jesus Christ: No I’m n...

Counsel for Jesus Christ: Yes my client is your honour

South CJ: Counsel, for such acts of evil, I would have hoped that mental impairment could be the only explanation.

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