WOW!! China 2016

The Great Hall of The People (The Communist Party Legislature in Beijing) was filled with people. Ordinary people... I suppose. It was a disorganised and mumbling mass. The popping and whining of the lecturn-microphone provoked the people to stumble and stand on their seats, but nothing was happening on stage. Death_Slayer77 took every excuse he could to stand up because his green-leather pants were so tight around his crutch. He turned to Fire_Elve_13, who was rubbing against his shoulder. Fire_Elve, who was a squat, tubby little guy, looked a bit self-conscious wearing a metal plated-bra and a chain-mail skirt. Fire_Elve said to Death_Slayer

“So... how is your clan going?”

Death_Slayer was blushing. He had never seen Fire_Elve in real life, and he had always fantasised about Fire_Elve (who is a spectacularly beautiful female warrior elf, on the internet).

“good, my clan is good.” Death_Slayer said.

The Crowd began to warble, louder and louder. Fire_Elve adjusted his skirt and Death_Slayer picked up his sword. Death_Slayer knocked away the wizard’s hat in front of him, and he saw that the new King of China was about to speak. The King was dressed in green tights and a green skivy with gold embroidery snaking all over his body. His words flattened the squables and whiny jeers of the crowd. This is what the King said:

“This is Historic. So let me explain where we are in the terms and vocabulary of History. The Chinese Communist Party, when they were in power, knew that the internet was their largest threat.”

The crowd made that high pitched “woooo!” noise that males can make.

“So they censored the search engines, they censored the social networks. But never did they suspect that World Of Warcraft (WOW) was digging tunnels under the CPC and eating away at the pillars of their strangle hold. The Elves brought in the information from the free media. The Orcs distributed it. And together, the mighty Clans of WOW overthrew the CPC on the first day of 2016.”

The crowd burst into a frenzy of chest beating (which was the sound of 6000 fat bellies being slapped), high-pitched “Wooo’s!”, coughs and then anaemic splutters.

“In attendance today is the inaugural congress of clan leaders, all of which are level 99 characters, Orcs and Elves. We have some laws to create and pass today. The first is to do with the "new" China’s  currency. The Orcish cabinet has suggested that we use gold. All in favour?... thats a yes, pass the bill. Ok, next is the the health-care system. Now, are health-potions real? Does anyone know, because I think that the government should subsidise health potions. I know that most of you in the room have level 99 vitality anyway”

The floor chuckled

“Ok we are subsidising health potions. The third thing we need to cover is Intellect. As we all know, intellect stat-points increase your mana and increase your chance to score a critical strike when casting spells. So the elves have been pushing for a uniform national education curriculum from prep to high-school. I know that not many of us have kids, or remember whether we have kids, but mana and critical strikes are important, so we should make our education system strong... pass it? Yep, ok that is passed. Guys! Calm down over there!”

A bored Orc in the front row called an elve and “elf”; the elve charged his bow with an arrow and released, flopping  the arrow onto the ground in front the orc. The orc then waddled angrily towards the elve, but tripped over the arrow and slapped onto the ground.

“Come on guys! We are almost done. Just quickly, our Strength stats are very worrying. I think we need to promote more outdoor activity and excercise for the sake of our gold economy.”

The whole congress jiggled in exhausted protest.

“Ok, we’ll come back to that... The last thing on the agenda for today is to find a way to better include female elves and orcs. I dont think that I can see one female in this entire room, and that’s a probem. So guys, females?”

The room went silent

“Females? Anybody? Females?... ok we’ll leave that for next time too. Congress dismissed. Well done my fellow warriors, we did it”.